2:13 am entry

A 2:13 in the morning entry in this blog. For some odd reason, I just wanted to write and blurt out my feelings here...

But I'd rather keep it to myself...

Confusion? Yes...

A conscious stream of thoughts surging while I am playing Vespers by Bong Rosario and Jay Gomez.

All I want is to be all that I can Be as God planned and willed it.

I would like to, FINALLY, realign. I want this to end, I want the suffering to end. It feels like I am pushed in the wall, and usually, when enough is enough, I stand up, pick up the pieces and fight once and for all.

My agony is caused by me, my pain is caused by me therefore any change that will happen has to be caused by me. Change, hopefully, geared towards personal growth, love and faith.

Never mind all the things that I have suffered in the past, I am forgiving myself for everything, specifically every damage I may have done to my self and others. I am reaching out again. I am not holding back anymore. I won't use sleep as a form of escape anymore. I am tired, tired of days that I sit idly at my computer chair and ask myself questions all about what might have beens and the alike.

I am breaking free, I am living and I know with LIVING comes the VULNERABILITY to a higher purpose, to a higher calling.

I want to earn, I want things but I know that ultimately I will surrender everything to God. So why not surrender first everything to Him then get whatever I can through Him.

I am tired of selfish desires that makes me uneasy before I sleep.

I am tired of blaming myself for psat mistakes, petty or huge, I forgive myself.

I am tired, I want to rest.

Rest in the thought of I am safe, loved and is still able to love.

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Thank you to those people who saw me at my highs and lows.

Those who were never afraid to take a chance with me.

Those who are hoping for a brighter future for they saw potential in me.

I will LIVE UP to what is GIVEN to me. I will USE every TALENT given to me.

I will LOVE for real now. I'll fake it until I make it.

Unmasking is a hard thing to do, but it will be a lot easier with a broken ego and the willingness to move forward!

I will let my face shine again, the real me, the genuine, my truth will surface again.

I am a GIFT, a gift of love, compassion and joy!

I am Wesley Pristin.