TODAY...

Today is the day.

Today... somebody asked me.... why can't we get our results? why do we always get redirected...

I just realized, it's our choice...

I never had friends... not because they don't consider me as one, but because I really didn't consider them as someone who we will be...

I guess it first started, when even my own family didn't love me... they were not able to fully accept me for who I am and what i can do.

So my life progressed, me being that same person with other human being... i cannot fully accept you and will not be able to fully believe that you can do something unless you have already...

So beagan the journey of hopeless times, feeling alone... all by myself... and actually depending on something bigger, something more powerful than everyone whom i can depend on... that's my God.

For a while, it gave me some peace of mind knowing that someone is creating my future for me... Someone BIGGER is leading me somewhere... and right now, He led me somewhere, where I can depend on Him and me while letting me vulnerable with my emotions....

I can say that He locked my emotions. he let me hide it from the world. He let hide the REAL me from everyone.

People say I am too real... people say I am too tackless... honest.... but in reality... it's just because i want them to experience their sadness in order to get over with it...

Independence... is what I've learned from He who created me...

Human as I am, not seeing the majestic plan (not until now) i felt I was just someone used to better things, to better other people, excluding myself... and that was my cross to carry...

Now...

I still firmly believe that my life will never be easy... that I will still have my own cross to carry until I die... the difference now is... I share my load... I love...

Tonight, was about me telling myself I have people around me to support me... Tonight is about telling myself, though I have my own cross to carry and they have too... it's a bit easier when you have someone along your path to help you with it, to wipe our face and help you leave your mark, for someone to be a mother to help you through it all, for someone to believe that you will rise up again from your death after three days...

I don't call them disciples... I call them...

Friends...

Friends who may at some point in time, deny you for they own sake.

Friends who at some point will question you...

Friends who at a certain moment will leave you to your own...

Friends, whom you just love and feel love from are faltering based on your judgment but actually never left you... they were just praying and endlessly hoping that one day, you'll see each other in light...

This is the FIRST day in my life... that I would like to acknowledge that indeed, I've never made my life so wonderful and so overwhlemingly beautiful without the people who denied me, who believed in me, who hated, who loved me...

Come to think of it... I have far too many friends (that I've finally acknowledged) to thank for their unending love and gratitude to me.

I never knew... I may look like asshole right now, telling all my friends (whom I've known for so long now) that this is actually the first time I will actually thank them from the bottom of my heart.

I'll do great for these people. I'll do my best for these people. Because they made me believe that I can Be... whoever I want myself to be... :)