Light/Dark

To open up one's heart. That's scary.

When I got home from an Intense Experience, I was to change my clothes before I got to sleep. I usually don't mid what shirt I am to wear, long as it is a shirt, it's all good.

But this day was different.

I got this "comfy" shirt (I call it comfy because, it has holes everywhere, air can breeze my body), and realized that all this time, that shirt always made me feel safe. The shirt made me look bad so that people won't believe me. It was all about staying in a space where people can leave me alone.

It was my 3 year story when I got into a company that changes companies :o actually they don't. They only make people aware of their choices in their lives and gives the people responsibility towards whatever the result may be.

In this company, you are rarely given a chance to change other people's lives. It is because, people have to make their lives work first before changing other people. But hey! who said we change them, all we can change is ourselves, and I believe that wounded as everyone is, that person can still inspire other people to move forward.

I believed.

And so, though my life didn't work, I held into a quote, "Fake it until you make it". I faked it... Feeling that I was already alright, that I am good but actually, I wasn't.

Though... I am good... I was still able to coach other people...

Coaching dragged me into my immense darkness, how my anger can hurt, how my lies can inflict pain etc. and people's expectations around me aroused the darkness again, by actually forgetting about myself and going into the pleasing mode where I found myself so lost... I've never experienced myself so detached to myself. I was a zombie.

And as a zombie, I was so hard with myself and the people around me, but like in any other choice, this undead feeling gave me the gene to make bulls eye feedbacks about other people's pain and misery and drama etc. Because hello? I'm in it.

This zombie made great feats and had some friends, but because I am never content, like a vampire longing for blood, frenzied by this inner disgust in life, I still kept my true self locked away.

Until finally, a certain journey made me feel as if I was actually alive.

This journey to outer space made me feel that life was actually beautiful, limitless and just is. This is the journey where I found myself surrendering to the infinity within. I remember the last part of the Intense experience I had. So many people loved me and it was that message from God that told me, you cannot possibly imagine how immense my love is, here have a taste of it. :)

That powerful experience immediately unlocked all the things that the inner me can give. That inner self who is not afraid, who is vulnerable, who cries because of joy, who is loved, who is celebrated and who is so loving and powerful, who is God's speck of his Glorious Love.

Yes, I am a speck of light. :) of God's light. That light that once gave me a chance to live again. Speck? it's so small... yes it is... because that day, I remember GOD showing me how His is so big and so powerful. Speck? Yes it is! A speck that will soon inspire other specks to show their light until everyone is so luminous, we'll make our God proud.

This Light in me, gave me a chance to love again, to be loved, to give and to receive, to serve and to love more and more and more each day.

That's why when I got home, I didn't choose the shirt that was so messed up, I am over my zombie days, but I would like to acknowledge that phase in my life where I learned to be surrounded by so much darkness and yet finding my way back into love. That was the time I learned about other people's hurts and pains in order for my light to be a light of compassion and love.

I finally chose another shirt, it was colored orange. a symbol of Joy, and I picked a shorts that is black, symbolizing power and the light. :)

Because hey... how can this speck move other specks if it was not able to see the littlest of light amidst the darkness... :)

God.Sun.Moon.Faith

Hello blogging! I missed you so much! :)

Just last night, when I was heading home from a usual Friday "Cheat Day" (that time during the week, where I can smoke to my heart's content and lungs capacity and drink drink and drink..), I REALIZED something.

As I was looking at the night blue sky... I just felt creative and started thinking about the Moon that during the night time, when everyone is at their bluest moment, or they feel like darkness is shrouding them, lights made made by men provide light to all. During nights of doubt or fear, I am taught how to ask for support from other people, friends and family. This is the time when God is just shining us a bit of His rays through the Moon. A time when His love is being giving me hope through a ray of moonlight and is being surrounded by lights called "friends and family".

During the day, when the Sun is at its highest, this is the time when God is manifesting directly to me. :) rays and rays of hope and love is showered upon me and I am asked to live my life to the highest level because life is passion and passion is love.

I also thought of those times when the sun is longer than the moon. Summer. During this time, we are reminded by Christ's passion in the cross to show his love to us. It is during these times that the day is longer than night tells us to live longer, give more and live our passion more.

On the other hand, when the moon shows up more than the sun. Winter. During these months, we are now more depressed than ever, even sadder or just feels like sleeping more and more because of problems. It is during these times of sadness or tribulation that we are reminded through Christmas, the birth of a child, the birth of hope anew, the birth of love. No matter how long the night maybe as long as we have friends and family with us to love us and show us the Love God is giving us then it will be better.

As it always have...

I am... VI - VII - X - XII - XIII

I just love these ladies of Final Fantasy.

(from right)

Tina Bradford from FF VI and Final Fantasy Dissidia, a mysterious gal both
human and esper.

The Materia Hunter and extra jumpy Yuffie Kisaragi, a ninja, from Final Fantasy VII.

Both elegant and fierce are the things I can say about Lulu from FF X.

Graceful as she maybe, Fran from FF XII is also
a force to reckon with as she is adept in using all weapons in the game.

Lightning, the Final Fantasy XIII main character seems
to be a pessimist but I feel that she is someone who knows how to take charge and fight for what is right. Can't wait to see her in action.

Can't wait for FF XIII in PS3. :p

Hmmmm.... Hopefully before I die I can still play the 1000th Final Fantasy. hahaha! :p

...Natural...

I just love the unstable stability given to me right now.

I love being all out yet taking it slow.

I like telling affirmations and hiding nasty things about me and other people.

I want my fast paced slow poke self when it comes to work.

I like squeezing in 8 hours of sleep in a 24 hour shift at office.

I love being in the middle while pushing limits.

I love looking, staring, turning my back and looking again somewhat feeling that that someone is also looking back.

I love owning my dreams, being in a relationship with the people I love and still being me.

I love music. Pop to reggae to ambient. Went to Xaymaca.

I always ask myself why am I always put in a situation when all things seems worst...

Because I can love and create GREAT things through it.

TT is the next BISIG.

Therefore... I will be here... I will stay... I will learn... I will grow... I will create... I will honor my Creators... and I will love...

I am here. I am staying. I am growing. I am creating. I am honoring my Creators... and I am Love...

O dba?!

Somewhere in between

May I just say that, being between decisions is really hard.

It is not confusion its more of a decision that requires time and people (either lifting you or pulling you down) plus internal and external factors that makes it hard because letting time tell me the answer while at a "Carpe Diem" stance requires a lot of TRUST.

With work.

Finally I got to decide where I will spend the next 2 years, in Events, again. Still waiting for the medical exams to finally identify me as a suitable applicant for the position. Will just wait for 2 days. anticipating the event. Well whatever happens I am sure that it is for a reason because if I'm not qualified, I will pursue medicine quite earlier than I planned it to materialize.

With a relationship.

People are showing up and much as I want to hasten the process for me and them, I would love to just sit back, do my thing, be a friend to that tall guy and all his friends and see what happens. I know I am feeling something I'm not sure what it is but I will let time and I guess clarity to guide through this.

With friends and family.

It's such a blast. This part maybe one of the things that are working for me though at times it gets tough, I still manage to handle things with grace and the Ms. Universe composure.

With God.

Being in Integrity to my words are important for me as of the moment, so when I say that I want to open all my chakras from sexuality to spirituality, I will. Maybe it's the answer to what some Wicked witch of the north was asking, why is the wizard's life working while being in touch with his sexuality, the answer is, for me, WILL and INTEGRITY to one's word. The human will to be whole.

"I wish to hasten but time slows it. I want it to last but time robs it from me. But all the time, time was constant, it was just me and my emotions wanting, seeking. I wish to wait for time to give me and trust time to make it last for me."

2:13 am entry

A 2:13 in the morning entry in this blog. For some odd reason, I just wanted to write and blurt out my feelings here...

But I'd rather keep it to myself...

Confusion? Yes...

A conscious stream of thoughts surging while I am playing Vespers by Bong Rosario and Jay Gomez.

All I want is to be all that I can Be as God planned and willed it.

I would like to, FINALLY, realign. I want this to end, I want the suffering to end. It feels like I am pushed in the wall, and usually, when enough is enough, I stand up, pick up the pieces and fight once and for all.

My agony is caused by me, my pain is caused by me therefore any change that will happen has to be caused by me. Change, hopefully, geared towards personal growth, love and faith.

Never mind all the things that I have suffered in the past, I am forgiving myself for everything, specifically every damage I may have done to my self and others. I am reaching out again. I am not holding back anymore. I won't use sleep as a form of escape anymore. I am tired, tired of days that I sit idly at my computer chair and ask myself questions all about what might have beens and the alike.

I am breaking free, I am living and I know with LIVING comes the VULNERABILITY to a higher purpose, to a higher calling.

I want to earn, I want things but I know that ultimately I will surrender everything to God. So why not surrender first everything to Him then get whatever I can through Him.

I am tired of selfish desires that makes me uneasy before I sleep.

I am tired of blaming myself for psat mistakes, petty or huge, I forgive myself.

I am tired, I want to rest.

Rest in the thought of I am safe, loved and is still able to love.

___________________________________________________________________

Thank you to those people who saw me at my highs and lows.

Those who were never afraid to take a chance with me.

Those who are hoping for a brighter future for they saw potential in me.

I will LIVE UP to what is GIVEN to me. I will USE every TALENT given to me.

I will LOVE for real now. I'll fake it until I make it.

Unmasking is a hard thing to do, but it will be a lot easier with a broken ego and the willingness to move forward!

I will let my face shine again, the real me, the genuine, my truth will surface again.

I am a GIFT, a gift of love, compassion and joy!

I am Wesley Pristin.

Ride On!

I love it!! :p


Armand De France feat. Ange - I Say Ride On (DJs From Mars Extended Club Remix) lyrics

For so long I’ve been missing the touch of you honey
For so long I’ve been praying for you
Honestly, I’ve been waiting my time all night long
While you know, you know it’s true

Because of you, what can I do?
This is a heartbreak story of you
You were so fine, the boy I need
Baby you were my beauty king, yeah

Fly on, please don’t let me go, every night long
Don’t want to see other boys in time
Just give me love and just fly on, right on
I said fly on, please don’t let me go, every night long
Don’t want to see other boys in time
Just give me love and just fly on, right on


For so long I’ve been searching for you night and day
For so long and the pleasure has gone
For so long I’ve been thinking of you on my way
I don’t know what’s going on

How do you feel, riding inside?
Causing my mind to feel so bad
Don’t want to lie, I’m so in love
And I just cry, yes I cry for your love

Fly on, please don’t let me go, every night long
Don’t want to see other boys in time
Just give me love and just fly on, right on
I said fly on, please don’t let me go, every night long
Don’t want to see other boys in time
Just give me love and just fly on, right on

And just fly on

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3mTPwhBcIk&feature=PlayList&p=B4994EDD3B8DD51E&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=24